Blog Archives
We Now Return You To Your Regularly Scheduled Blog…
Ok, I suck. It’s been way too long between blog posts. And while I’d like to blame it on things like impromptu trips to Florida, AC, Philly & Wisconsin (and I sort of do), I take full responsibility (except see above).
First off, before I even get into wedding-y stuff, the response to my last blog post was…amazing. I got emails and facebook messages and tweets from so many of you who were touched by our sentiment. I wish I had the words to tell you how much it hit my heart to know that what we wrote was so well received. It’s always a little scary to take a stand that you know full well will (and did) alienate some people. I can tell you that in hindsight after the TENS OF THOUSANDS of webhits my last post received, not only did I feel heartfelt appreciation from so many of our gay friends, but I also received a couple messages from people who stopped to rethink their position and have started to feel differently about the issue. That’s beyond words amazing. It takes a lot to admit you may have been wrong about something (ask Richie- I think he’s heard those words come out of my mouth maybe once? And if pressed I might still deny it), so I wholeheartedly congratulate those of you who paused to reflect. I know, I know- a little blog that made a couple people think is a drop of water on a blaze, but it’s also indicative of the fact that change begets change and one voice can inspire thousands. So, you know, say something.
Speaking of saying, I need to say one more thing about the subject before I return you to your regularly scheduled blog, as promised by the now slightly misleading blog title.
My dad LOVES the picture Richie & I took with NOH8. Loves it. To an embarrassing extent. Like, he’s had it printed in 8x10s, had it blown up to poster size, mounted it on foam core board, and had some sort of canvas portrait created as well. I literally can’t get away from myself, which is completely creepy. I’m waiting for my next birthday present to come wrapped in custom marriage announcement wrapping paper as I sit home in my NOH8 pic checkered pajama pants, cuddling with my custom printed throw blanket, sipping coffee from a mug with my face looking sternly back at me. Essentially, our duct tapped faces are everywhere & it’s gotten slightly out of hand.
So, it came as no surprise that my dad sent our picture to a popular website to have custom postage stamps printed so our smiling faces could haunt the upper right hand corner of every letter he mails out (also, who even sends letters anymore? But I digress).
Imagine his surprise when his order was rejected & he received this email:
__
Dear Frank,
Unfortunately, we are currently unable to accept the image you have submitted as part of your order.
For this reason, your entire order has been canceled and your credit card will not be charged. We were unable to accept your image for the following reason:
This image was not accepted because it did not meet our content guidelines. Click here for more info on our content
guidelines.
Please note that owing to privacy concerns, our customer support representatives do not have access to any submitted images and they cannot provide additional details on why your submission did not meet our content guidelines.
We thank you for ordering from us and we apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you. We encourage you to try again.
__
So naturally, I looked up content restrictions and found this:
__
Content Restrictions: You agree not to upload, order for print, or otherwise transmit or communicate any material for any unlawful purpose or that is obscene, offensive, blasphemous, pornographic, sexually suggestive, deceptive, threatening, menacing, abusive, harmful, an invasion of privacy, supportive of unlawful action, defamatory, libelous, vulgar, violent, or otherwise objectionable.
__
Ok, seriously. Blasphemous? Pornographic? Deceptive? Obscene? Do I need to post the picture again?
What about our pro-marriage equality statement did they find so thoroughly offensive?
There are many companies who print custom photo stamps. I thought long and hard about whether or not to publicly blast these guys on here (umm, obviously I found the CEO’s home address and I’m not gonna lie- it might have been fun to start a friendly campaign of sorts- perhaps exploring stamp designs more…overtly…in violation of the aforementioned “content restrictions”), but ultimately I’ve thought better of it. When I look at what happened as a whole, it just serves as a reminder that as open as NY has proven to be post-equality vote, the rest of the country’s just not there yet. If more people speak up, hopefully we can get to a point where any loving relationship….can be pictured on a postage stamp?
Sigh.
Ok, so it’s now clear that my blog post title was a complete (but unintentional!) lie. Seriously though, how could I go back to dress shopping (OMG! I have so much to tell you!) and cake tastings (I’m trying the chocolate peanut butter invention next week!! Wheee! Free cake!!) when the custom postage stamp industry had some ‘splainin to do? 🙂
Love to all of you-
Rach
Love is Love.
I interrupt this frivolous blog to bring you an important message. Feel free to tune out if you were hoping for a diatribe on save-the-date etiquette (which I totally have questions on…but now’s not the time).
Richie and I released our engagement announcement today. And we waited until now for a very specific reason. As I type this, same sex marriage is being put to the Senate floor for a vote in New York.
Although I have strong beliefs across the board, there are very few political issues that I speak about publicly. Coming from a family I love that happens to be filled with staunchly opposing political viewpoints, I’ve learned to shut my yap & just enjoy playing dominoes with the people I absolutely adore. Because at the end of the day, they’re so much more than a party ticket. Nothing I say will change their minds, just as nothing they say will change mine. And instead of the frustration of trying again and again to craft the perfect argument that will cause some big “a ha!” moment where they’ll all see why my perspective clearly makes the most sense, I learned a long time ago that I don’t need someone to agree with me to make me “right”. And when you really let go of that quest for approval of your opinion, you’re free to just love and appreciate other people, exactly where they are.
That being said, there are times when it’s important to take a stand. When sitting in silence legitimately hurts another person. I have too many gay friends not to stand up and say that equality matters. I’ve watched them be mocked behind their backs, rejected by family, passed over for employment, turned down for adoptions. I’m not speaking theoretically, I’ve seen every one of those examples first hand. And it breaks my heart.
So why is the word Marriage important, versus a Domestic Partnership or a Civil Union? Very simply, our country tried “Separate but Equal” and we saw how well that turned out with Jim Crow Laws. The truth is, separate is never equal. It’s separate. It separates. It inherently teaches our children that one group of people are of a different class than another.
I believe our grandchildren will look back at this time in history with some shame, and that saddens me.
All this to say that today, as this vote goes to the Senate, I’m encouraged. I feel the excitement, the ground swell of change. I feel an awakening and an awareness of an evolving generation that says “enough is enough”. For the first time, I think progress is truly imminent.
So we chose to celebrate our engagement by standing up and saying something:
Love is love.
-Rachel
UPDATE 06/24/11 10:51 PM ET: GAY MARRIAGE PASSES IN NEW YORK!!!! New York is now the 6th (& largest) state in the Union to adopt gay marriage! Here’s my favorite quote: “when Republican Roy McDonald famously defended his unexpected decision, saying “fuck it, I don’t care what you think. I’m trying to do the right thing” — the scale in favor of gay marriage seemed to tip.”
What an amazing day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Heinous dresses.
I’m back in town from my first weekend away from Richie since the engagement. Missed him! I spent time with my family; Richie had the “work” assignment of covering Ronnie Mund’s appearance at a strip club in Indy. Tough day at the office, eh?
While I was home, I finally had the face-to-face chance to sit down with my sisters annnnnnnnd ask them to be my bridesmaids! 🙂 I don’t want a big crazy wedding party- just my two sisters & one of my childhood best friends, Cyndi.
It’s got me thinking dresses & I thought I’d bring the debate to you guys because you’re awesome at this stuff. Generally I despise bridesmaid dresses (no offense, Cyn- I loved* the dress I wore as your Maid of Honor and am going to wear** it all the time).
Here are the priorities:
-I want the three of them to look and feel beautiful & elegant.
-I want the dress to be appropriate for different ages, my sisters are (mumblecough) years older than me (I was a flower girl in one sister’s wedding & a 10 yr old bridesmaid in the others) and I don’t want them to feel like their wearing something out of the juniors section that they’re uncomfortable in.
-I want colors that complement some of the design elements. One thing we’re dealing with is a unique shade of blue in the wall behind us and some centerpieces we’re looking at that are made of old amber/brown glass. So maybe in the neutral/blush colors?
-I don’t want them to spend a boatload of money.
What do you guys think about using three related colors for dresses rather than them matching? Like different shades of the same basic color. What about doing that AND using three different style dresses so each person looks their best? But then how do you tie them together? Use the same material maybe? And how do you coordinate it with the groomsmen? I feel like the whole matching cummerbund thing is very prom-esque.
I’m prepared for your genius thoughts on all things bridesmaid dressy. Go.
Use these for some quick inspiration:
The dresses are awful enough to have distracted me from the shotgun the first 3 times I looked at this pic.
Where the "bridesmaid dress/ curtain" comparitive originated.
Perhaps camo IS the best option. At least no one can see you.
*read: theoretically appreciated
**read: remember it fondly
Cake & eat it too!
I’m going to be honest & say that aside from the ring, the wedding planning component I’m most excited about is cake shopping. Mostly the eating part of the cake shopping.
Let’s talk wedding cakes. I have questions. And you guys always seem to have answers.
First off, is the cupcake fad over? Or is that still happening? I like the portability of this dessert option, but have concern over A) triteness and B) over-it factor for our work friends. I don’t want the wedding cake to be a tired extension of Cupcake Wednesdays.
Second, can you go with any flavor or are there rules about this? For instance, I could live on chocolate. Richie could live on peanut butter. Can we just have some kind of crazy chocolate peanut butter cake or is that way too out there? Wait, If we did that, wouldn’t we need to have some sort of non-peanut option for allergic people? I feel like 74% of the population is allergic to peanuts (source: made up). Can you have a cake that is all different flavors? Or then is everyone cutting into each tier to get to the kind they like, the way I would with an unmarked box of chocolates?
Third, umm, can we schedule tastings with dozens (hundreds?) of bakeries? And if so, uh, how am I just now finding out about this? And why aren’t more people regularly taking advantage of free cake?! I actually went out and bought a piece of cake last week when I clearly should have just flashed the bling & begged to be fed.
I’m just not into the giant, flowery, gaudy, drawbridge & princessy looking mountains of frosting. And I’m not even exaggerating. Please tell me at least one of you has seen My Big, Fat, Gypsy Wedding. Because if I don’t post this recurring monstrosity, the terrorists will have won.
Yep. That's Ken & Barbie on there. And their friends I think. Subtle, just like I like it.
Thoughts on more non-traditional/less weddingy looking cakes?
Sweetly*,
Rach
*thought ” Fondantly,” might be too much of a stretch
Rings & Things.
We’re back from Philly! We had an awesome time (& awesome cheesesteak). While we were there, we visited our pals at Steven Singer to talk wedding bands.
Let me say this to start: I’m not a jewelry-crazy chick. No, really. I’ve never been spoiled with jewelry in my life, and while I think it’s all pretty, it’s just never been a financial reality or better yet- priority- for me. I have one diamond necklace I bought myself a zillion years ago, but generally, I dig sh*tty street jewelry that looks cool and different. So for me to be this mesmerized by a diamond ring is, in fact, out of character. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t stare at my sparkly engagement ring pretty much 90% of the day.
Disclaimer over. Now I will proceed.
I love Steven Singer (http://ihatestevensinger.com). Mostly because of the personalized VIP service (and sort of because of the free wine and cookies). We wanted to pop in & discuss wedding bands (and have free wine & cookies).
We started with Richie. He needed something simple and a little edgy. And while he entertained the idea of black diamonds for a solid minute, the truth is, he’s just not a blingy guy. He was pretty much “meh” on all the rings he tried on until this one:
Richie's wedding ring!
And he got the “THIS is the one” chills.
Look how married he looks!!!
Done deal. Guys are so easy!
Next it was my turn. And here’s the thing- I LOVE my engagement ring. It is- without question- the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen. It’s an utterly blinding perfect diamond in the most delicate, antiquey, unique setting I could dream of. It’s so beautiful just how it is, I feel like a wedding band is gonna eff it up. Wait, it’s high time I unveiled the ring so we can have a proper conversation about it. Side note: I’ve learned (through A LOT of practice this last month) that it’s pretty much impossible to photograph a diamond & capture how crazy sparkly it is. So this is as good as I can get:
I just died again, looking at it.
See what I’m saying?! It’s perfect how it is! I tried on a few bands that fit the ring and it just changed the balance and shape I fell in love with. So I was ready to write off the whole wedding band thing all together. It’s not like it makes me more or less married & I love my ring as is. Plus, it’s not like I need more diamonds.
But then cooler heads prevailed. What the eff was I thinking? Of course everyone needs more diamonds. What I needed was a solution, which I found in the suggestion of the “right hand ring”. Basically, this is the deal- you get a small wedding band that you use for the ceremony that looks beautiful enough to wear alone on your right hand. You can also wear it on your left hand if you’re going somewhere you don’t want to bring the big ‘ole rock to. Truly an ingenious solution.
Our friends at Steven Singer brought me a ton of cool bands. Ultimately, the one I liked most wasn’t an exact match to my engagement ring (although diamonds…kind of match diamonds), but it was a nice compliment to the ring that could stand on its own. In fact, the more I looked at it, the more I loved it. Check it out!
So pretty!!
Although I’ll wear them on two different hands, I put them on next to each other so you can see them together (and because I’m just not coordinated enough to photograph both of my hands at the same time while holding a cell phone camera).
I recognize these look redick next to each other. Imagine on two different hands.
So, in summary, I appreciate you allowing me to geek out on all things ring. I look forward to sprinkling diamonds on the other 8 fingers in the near future.
(KIDDING RICHIE! :))
Pre-Honeymoon Honeymoon.
Richie & I need a minute away. I’ve been SWAMPED lately with business stuff- most people don’t know that much like Clark Kent, I live a secret life. I run my own company- it’s nothing like what I do on camera, I’ll tell you about it another day. But here’s the point- I’ve worked the last 17 days straight and I think my need to chillax has just hit clinical levels.
The beauty of working with clients around the country is I can occasionally coordinate the combo work/pleasure trip. So this weekend, we’re grabbing the pooch & heading to the lovely city of Philadelphia. I’ve got a full day of intense client meetings Thursday and a couple hours Friday but the rest of the time will be dedicated to hotel jacuzzis and the great cheesesteak quest.
Side note on weddingy stuff- Richie got my engagement ring from Steven Singer, so we’ll stop by while we’re in Philly & check out wedding rings for him. He needs something edgy & cool, will let you know what we look at. Plus I’m on the fence with the whole engagement ring AND wedding ring thing- not that I don’t want 4 trillion diamonds, I just think the ring he picked is so beautiful by itself… I’ll blog about this debate when I get back. Who knows, maybe I’ll feel different after we swing by http://ihatestevensinger.com & see what they suggest.
Ideas on other stuff to see/do in Philly?
PS, we’re taking Rupert, not Elvis. Because one fits in the jeep better.
10 lbs (jeep-friendly)
185 lbs (less jeep-friendly)
Paging Dr. Freud.
I had a crazy dream last night.
And it has nothing to do with my wedding, so I probably shouldn’t post about it here.
But have you ever had a dream that you just can’t shake? That replays over and over in your head all day & you feel compelled to tell people about because on some level there has to be a greater significance, even if you can’t put your finger on it in its entirety?
I woke up Richie at 2 am last night to tell him about it (A HA! Some blog topic relevance!) and he thought it was very twilight zone episode cool. And while I thought that was his sleepy, mumbling response, he, too, remembered my dream in the morning and we talked about it again.
Maybe it’s weird to share a bizarre piece of my subconscious with you guys. Especially since you probably just came here to read about dresses and flowers and venues and veils. But I’m nothing if not excruciatingly honest (uh, see my CD lyrics), so what the eff. I wont judge you for mocking.
Here goes.
I was at a club, feeling unusually down (note: I’m an EXCEEDINGLY and genuinely happy person like 99% of the time…and that other 1% is like clockwork to a certain couple days of the month). A college friend I haven’t spoken to in years (Mandi, I’m totally talking about you) took me aside & told me she could show me something special, but hinted that it was going to be difficult to handle. I took her hand and we walked into the basement of the club. It was so dark and there were sporadic groups of people. I started to feel so much pain & sorrow in my heart. Overwhelming. It wasn’t even specific to anything, it was just a collection of the sorrows we all carry around within us, our burdens. On a small dim stage were dancers dressed in black. When it was my turn, I pushed through the crowd, right up in front of the stage. And something strange happened.
The dancers pulled from me every ounce of sorrow. They took it all. And they performed it. They danced the exact pain I was holding in my heart. And as they did it, I was free. I felt lighter than I ever had, watching the visualization of my sadness. We all stood in silence and watched, the intensity of each dance unique to the person whose pain was fueling it. Mine was beautiful and intense and enlightening- I understood myself more in that moment than I ever had. And in the midst of the beauty and freedom of the dancers carrying my pain, there came crashing down on me a horrible realization- that as they concluded, they would have to give my experiences back to me. I would have to take it all back in. And now, as I’d seen it performed on a stage with my own eyes, I’d have to carry the layered knowledge of just how intense my sorrow was.
I looked at Mandi in a questioning panic and she squeezed my hand. Her eyes were sad and she nodded. The dancers finished. I closed my eyes and felt my chest tighten as everything I dreaded reentered my consciousness. It was all the more horrifying now that I knew the full visual scope of everything I carried around inside, and now that I had felt a few precious moments of life without any of it.
And as I left, I couldn’t decide if ignorance had been bliss or if I was better off with this new knowledge.
What do you think it all means?!
PS- I did fall asleep after drinking a full pitcher of sangria. So, you know, there’s that.
SAY WHAT?! to the dress.
I’ve never watched one bridal dress show in my entire life. Seriously. Never.
Until yesterday, when I realized I’d be taking my mom with me to this magical fairy land I keep hearing about called “Kleinfeld” which, apparently, is the home base to TLC’s wildly popular “Say Yes To The Dress”. So I tivo’d it. And watched this completely foreign collection of bratty brides, demanding mothers, pushy sales people & trillion-dollar piles of fussy white fabric.
- Why does all this freak me out?!
I’ve already told you how completely overwhelming this whole process is to me. Unlike the girlie girls who grew up dreaming of their big day and have magazine clippings and full sketches of some giant poofy white thing they’re obsessed with, I had ZERO idea what I wanted in a dress. I know more what I don’t like than what I do. Generally, I “Say Eff No To The Dress”.
So, I made an appointment (Yup. I know. Seriously. You have to.), and checked in with the concierge at the front desk while my mom & I waited in the grand lounge (where the hell AM I?!). I was relieved when a completely cute & non-intimidating chick named Jillian got us and walked us through a show room of frothy white sh*t to her private office SLASH dressing room.
Jillian sat us down & we talked. I showed her pictures of our venue & told her how I thought the distinctive vibe of the location should influence the kind of dress I wore. She took a couple notes, told me to strip down, handed me a silk robe & sashayed out of the room. Mom & I looked at each other. I’d call her look excited anticipation. I assume my look was somewhere along the lines of uncomfortable curiosity.
Jillian came back with 5 dresses & clamped me in them. Literally…clamped them as tight as they would go. I felt crazy skinny. I’m considering investing in real life skinny clamps, perhaps we can bring them into fashion. The first dress was stunning. It took me a minute to process how beautiful it was. I don’t know what I thought it would feel like to look in a mirror with a wedding dress on, but I wasn’t prepared. It caught me off guard & took my breath away a bit.
We tried on more. Jillian told me to think out loud, to tell her everything I was thinking, what about the dress I loved & hated. Every time she came back, her choices got better. I was starting to get some clarity on what I liked. And before long, I’d narrowed it down to two. Ironically (and despite the continuously improving dress choices) I just couldn’t get the first one I’d tried on out of my head.
She had me try my favorite two dresses on again & head out to the main gallery mirror on the showroom floor. I felt really…something I can’t describe…walking around in those dresses, walking past the other brides’ families and bridesmaids, past the salesgirls and stepping onto the raised platform under the perfect light in front of the full length mirror. Jillian put a veil on my head, and I have to admit it…I got teary. This whole thing is real. I’m really getting married. Made me think of what my dad’s reaction will be when he sees me like this. What Richie’s will be. I don’t know, the whole thing…it just got to me. I could see my mom tearing up too.
Officially the girliest moment of my life. Sigh.
I didn’t buy the dress. I “Said Maybe To The Dress”. I love them, but I want to see more. I love Irina Shabayeva’s designs so much – she & I went out for drinks last week & talked about her designing something custom for me, which is a HUGE honor. And I’ve gotten emails from a couple designers who are interested in dressing me, I need to look into everything & be sure I’m making the right decision. But that first dress is still haunting me. We’ll shall see.
I can at least say I wasn’t horrified by the experience (wait! I mean “Say Not Horrified By The Dress”). It was actually kinda cool. It’s all starting to sink in.
I’m gonna be a bride 🙂
Post-Rapture.
Now that we’ve survived the Rapture & the wedding’s still on, I figured it was time to get back to blogging.
So, it’s one week since the engagement announcement. And what a week it’s been! If you missed any of the excitement, I gotta give some big props to one of my FAVORITE twitter feeds, @SternShow – if you’re on twitter & not following them, stop what you’re doing right now and go follow.
I’ll wait.
Awesome. You’ll thank me later.
And incase you no-speak-a the twitter, I’ll “retweet” (read: copy/paste) their posts from the news department about the engagement, mostly because I completely love these audio links.
Stern Show: Listen to H100 News: Robin’s self help tapes teach her about men & relationships and Rachel & Richie get engaged. http://bit.ly/kDBSlc (story & staff reactions start at 2:30)
Fine, change. 