Monthly Archives: September 2011
I am- unashamedly- a “daddy’s girl”. I like to think we share the same brain (which means he’s actually thinking the same thing…right…NOW). I mean seriously, it’s creepy. He doesn’t have to finish his sentences, I intrinsically know where he’s going in any given conversation.
My sisters got married when they were younger & with or near my parents. So my dad had the opportunity to plan first hand. And he took great pride in it. When I was a kid, he ran hotels and restaurants across the country and had access to hook ups on the best of the best for their weddings. He still tells me about the extravagant champagne & caviar brands served to the guests and I methodically ooh & aah (despite the fact that I secretly have no clue what he’s talking about).
But alas, as a grown up, I’m living in the big apple while my pops’ is in…THE BIG ORANGE (aka Florida! OMG, I’m totally a genius right now. I can’t believe I just stumbled on that one! Although, of course, my dad just thought of it too). It’s killing him not to be here throwing the party of a lifetime for the baby of the family. Not only is he geographically distant, I’m an adult now. I have a highly developed sense of personal style that I want reflected in the wedding. My sisters we’re just north of 20 when they got hitched. At that age, I would have needed my dad to handle the details or the pink sparkly feather covered lunch box I was using as a purse would have expanded into a horrendous wedding theme. I’m almost 30 now- I got a handle on what it is I want in the world (and the venue. and the dress. and the chocolate fountain of my dreams).
But I do want his help. And I trust that words like “warming kitchen” and “sterno” actually mean something to him, whereas I tend to just nod knowingly and let my mind wander to Jersey Shore when confronted with vendors pontificating on these topics.
So I need ideas. How can I involve my dad from a distance? Anyone been in a similar position with their parents & have any advice?
Here’s one thing I’m working on- he’ll be in town in a couple weeks & I’m planning The Official Engagement Party- which, I’ve been told, is a thing we’re supposed to do. Do not get me started on the process of running around town to pull off an obligatory and affordable party on short notice with snotty event planners who scoff (and charge like their FAR from scoffing) at my little 40-person soiree. Gigantic sigh.
I want to be HOT on my wedding day. Not every day hot, exceptional hot. I want to look back at those pictures when I’m old & wrinkly and be all “DAMMMMNNNN!”. I don’t even use phrases like “I’ll be all ‘DAMMMNNNN!'”, but that’s seriously the level of hot I’m looking for. I intend to put a Kardashian to shame, that’s all I’m saying.
So I’m trying to figure out what goes into that hotting up process.
Let’s start with the obvious. My dream weight is a buck 17 (perhaps you’ve noticed my obsession with sevens…and yup, it’s pretty much that arbitrary). I can’t break 122 to save my life. And frankly, that’s working hard for it- I rest comfortably at 124. I know there are people who would roll their eyes at my quest to drop 5 lbs, but let me tell you, I’ve come a long way to get to the point where 5 lbs matters. I look at working out as my job (and a caloric penance of sorts for eating total and complete sh*t all day). 117 is the lowest healthy BMI for my height and I think being a healthy weight is more important than being Kate Moss. Besides, I’m built too naturally Jessica Rabbit-esque to risk looking emaciated (I’ve gotta have at least 10 lbs in knockers alone?!). My goal may sound crazy, but I have yet to meet a girl who is 100% satisfied with her weight as it stands. And while I think I look fine in person- I’m a size 2 and I don’t have “problem areas” to defensively dress- I recognize (and am thankful) that my world is often on camera & that cameras completely suck balls, as far as the whole adding 5 lbs thing goes. Point being, I want to be 117.
So there’s that.
Also on the hot up list- I’m doing laser hair removal. Ok, that wont necessarily show up on wedding pictures, but come on! Who doesn’t want baby smooth legs all the time?? Plus, there was a groupon. So a couple months before the wedding, I’ll be relatively hairless.
Annnnd while I’m at it- I’m getting a tattoo removed. Don’t you worry- I’d never touch my “7”. This one’s a smidge south- the ‘ol “tramp stamp” was such an awesome idea in college but much like Crystal Pepsi, it just doesn’t pass the test of time. There should be a law that you have to take some emotional maturity exam before they can start inking you. Or maybe move the age limit to 25. I’m just saying you need to know what it is you truly stand for before you permanently declare it on your skin. I kick around ideas for new tattoos all the time- I don’t think I’m done with the ink. But I feel more settled into who I am at this point in my life & I don’t think any new work would be the result of a drunken stumble into a shady parlor. Side note on removal: I’m fairly certain having a limb amputated is less painful. You’ve been warned.
I’m willing to say that I know all of this is a little screwy. I get that the Utopian version of me would look lovingly in a mirror and find peace & self-acceptance & unicorns & rainbows & valium. I was inspired and slightly horrified by http://www.ayearwithoutmirrors.com , Kjerstin Gruys self-imposed mirror ban for the year leading up to her wedding- have you heard about this? How the eff she’s avoiding mirrors for a year is beyond me (although in fairness, she doesn’t get picked apart on “fan” sites, so you gotta give me a little room for neurosis). I give the girl props. And would offer the girl xanax.
But I digress.
Here’s my favorite part of the story- Richie’s jumped in my hot up for the wedding boat! We have a dentist (periodontist, actually) that we adore here in NYC, Nicholas Toscano, DDS ( http://www.manhattanperiodontist.com ). He does all our dental work- we both did deep cleanings over the summer & I have a whitening hobby (slash mild obsession) that Dr. Toscano assists with. He’s just a good dude, does a great job, really cares about his patients & pretty much treats our teeth like they were gold capped gangsta gems 🙂
Although Richie had braces twice as a kid, they never really “took”. So he sat down with Dr. Toscano (follow http://twitter.com/DrToscanoDDS !) to see if there was anything he could do to permanently fix his teeth. And while you’d never know it to look at OR talk to Richie…he now has braces! Dr. Toscano did Richie’s Invisalign. So in about 6 months, Richie’s teeth will look amazing. I didn’t know anything about Invisalign, but I’m completely blown away. You don’t see them! You can take them out! I’m not sure why anyone would get the old school metal train tracks with this technology readily available.
Oh- and here’s the coolest part. Richie trains in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu almost every night. And Dr. Toscano didn’t want Richie to have all that time training with a mouthguard in his mouth instead of his Invisalign. So he’s creating CUSTOM INVISALIGN MOUTHGUARDS for Richie!! How cool is that?!
So that’s the plan. Don’t get me wrong, I would marry Richie with imperfect teeth as quickly as he’d marry me with stubbly legs and an outdated tattoo. But the wedding is kind of a natural hot up deadline. It’s nice to set some life goals that we can accomplish over the next twelve months, three weeks and one day.