Bachelorette Part 1

Guest Blog by Ellie Dvorkin

Hello, Gorgeous People!

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Ellie, and thanks to the willingness of the Universal Life Church to issue me a certificate of ordination, I will be officiating the wedding ceremony of Rachel and Richie this September. You may call me Father Ellie (I like it, even though I am a female), or The Reverend Blue Jeans (which is what I thought Neil Diamond was saying in his song, “Forever in Blue Jeans”, when I was a little girl).

But wait… there’s MORE. As the only one of Rachel’s oldest and dearest friends who actually lives in New York, it fell upon me to oversee the planning of Rachel’s Bachelorette Party Part 1 (Part 2 is a strip club related non-family friendly official co-bachelor/bachelorette filled with a debauchery inappropriate for some of the Part 1 guest list).

Planning this party stressed me out more that I let Rachel know, because for some reason, while I am super calm about conducting the wedding proceedings, party-planning makes me panicky. Everyone’s enjoyment is in the hands of the organizer! It’s a lot of responsibility! Exclamation points!! ALL CAPS!!!

In all fairness, I did have e-help from Rachel’s sisters and her Maid of Honor. They brought amazing things with them when they arrived in town, but for the months preceding the event, I was Planny McPlanstein, making the plans and sorting out the logistics. (I’m not asking for a pat on the back here, I’m merely explaining why I’m the one writing this blog entry. Shall I stop with the parentheses now? Methinks I shall.)

Rachel told me early on that due to the mixed interests of the women who would be in attendance, the stereotypical night on the town would not be the ideal scenario. She wanted a chill, albeit booze-infused, evening full of yummy snacks, relaxation, and good old fashioned girly fun. And since there ain’t no party like a slumber-style party, that’s exactly what we had!


The Ink48 Hotel, people. Why have you never been there? If you live in New York, it’s so worth hoofing it to 11th Avenue to have rooftop cocktails in The Press Lounge. It’s one of the sexiest rooftop bars in the city. Just trust me and go there. Or, if you’re visiting from out of town, the Ink48 is the ideal place to stay because it’s walking distance from Times Square, but far enough that you aren’t in the midst of the annoying hullabaloo.

We had a gorgeous Junior Suite on the 14th floor, with gigantic windows overlooking the Hudson River. Add one empty fridge (for the white wine and champagne), one inflatable bed (to make more sleep space), and copious amounts of penis-y decorations, and voila!  Our Slumber Chamber was complete!







Rachel and I have always been in favor of skipping a traditional entrée in exchange for the ability to load up on delicious cheeses and dips. It has gotten to the point where she no longer asks me if I want to meet for dinner, she asks if I want to meet for cheese. One of our favorite places to do this is Kashkaval. Upon first sight, Kashkaval looks like a market because there is deli-style counter service right inside the entryway, but further back is a cozy dining room with a fireplace and brick walls and all the wine and melty cheesy fondue goodness a person could hope for. When I learned that Kashkaval also has catering services with amazing platters of tapas and cheeses and meats and Mediterranean dips, I was sold. Just look…


Do you even know how happy Rachel was? And there was other stuff not pictured here, like pastries filled with spinach and feta and lots of pita for the dips. It was all so delicious and perfect. Definitely check out and use them for your next party. It’s a no-brainer.


Rachel wanted a massage station. Of course she did. Who wouldn’t? So I reached out to Mark Fisher Fitness’s bodywork wizard, John O’Mahoney. He was tall, strong, sexy, charismatic, and he was TALENTED. He was PERFECT. And he spent a lot of time on my BUTT. I’ll probably re-infiltrate this blog at a later date to say more once the official bodywork program at MFF has been rolled out, but in the meantime, enjoy the pecs and triceps on John. I know we did:

The rest was just silliness. We drank wine, we gobbled chocolate, we played games involving panties…it was perfection. While I was getting my much-needed rubdown, I overheard Rachel say it was the bachelorette party of her dreams. Great success! Nothing has ever made me happier…

…except this pic of Rachel with a penis-shaped squirt gun:


About Rachel

Posted on August 17, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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